Skip to main content

My Journey

Growing up a preachers kid I was always told and I believed that I would marry a preacher, that I would be a missionary, and that their was a great calling on my life. Married at 18 with two kids by age 20 it wasn't quite what I had imagined. I struggled to see how God could use me because my life was so off track and I had wasted so much time. I found myself struggling with depression and fighting to stay alive. But at that time I just figured I was emotional and missing my family back home. With two children to care for, a home, a husband and trying to live my life in a way that pleased God I put my hurt, disappointment, insecurities, self-doubt all on the back burner so that I could be everything to everybody. I wanted to be very sure that I was the best wife, mother, and Christian woman there was all the while on the inside I was falling apart. After my (then) husbands time in the military was complete and we moved back home I just new that things were going to turn around for me. I went back to school full time, worked full time and took care of my family! Working in the church to the best of my ability and doing what I believed God had called me to do. Moving back home proved to be one disappointment after the other. My (then) husband and two children and I lived with my parents in a two bedroom apartment for 6 years. The embarrassment, the shame, and the guilt ate away at me. How could I have such a promising future at 17 years old and end up this way. Why wasn't my husband making better decisions for our family? What was I doing wrong as a Christian to live such a disappointing life. The news of my third pregnancy rocked me to my core. After trying unsuccessfully to get my tubes tied and being on birth control the thought of having another baby sent me into one of the deepest holes I've ever been in. And to top it off I was fired from my job at the hospital because I couldn't fulfill my duties do to my pregnancy. The depression set in once again. And the attack of the enemy was so great. How is it that I'm a child of God and I ended up here. God doesn't love me, I'm unloveable. And how will he ever forgive me? Needless to say one disappointment after the other I was diagnosed clinically depressed for the first time. I remember lying in my bed sleeping for days just so that I wouldn't have to face life. After 15 years of marriage, three children, infedility, and a repeatedly broken heart I found myself divorced. My car was repossessed, I was homeless for a short period of time and I was broke. I thought sureley there was no hope for me at all! God didn't love me or he would never allow me to suffer this way. After several months of standing before God broken, open and vulnerable and seeking him with my whole heart I began to realize that even in all my mess, my sin, my depression, my flaws, my RELIGIOUS WORKS, God NEVER LEFT ME! Even in times when I felt completely alone and abandoned he was there! Even when I had a me, myself and I attitude and I wasn't thinking about him he was right there. My steps were ordered and he knew exactly what I was going to do before I was ever created in my mothers womb. I was a broken mess and sometimes I still am but God had me to GROW thorough so that I could witness to some one else who may be going through. I just want this blog to be a blessing to women every where. Let's talk, let's share, let's uplift and encourage that wife, that mother, that sister that is struggling to keep her head above water. As wives we have so many burdens to carry around yet we are expected to keep it ALL together. Let this blog be a place of release and relief.  Please join me and invite a friend. Share your stories, ask questions or post a prayer request. I look forward to chatting with each of you!
Love always,
Charity

Comments

  1. AnonymousOctober 17, 2012 at 5:48 PM

    Charity I commend you for being transparent about your journey through marriage, life, and your spiritual walk with Christ. As women, wives, mothers, and people as a whole, sometimes as individuals we try to cover up our hurt, pain, insecurities, and flaws without addressing the disease that slowly kills us inside. Not everyone will have the same trials/tribulations, and testimony, but if we can encourage one another through prayer and exhortation through God we can help save a life.

    As my sister in Christ I uplift you, and encourage you through prayer. Remember we have to go through the process to get to the promise. Rather through our own mistakes, selfishness, decisions, lack of understanding/knowledge, and dependency of others to direct our lives rather than God.

    LaToya Kidd

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Better Get WellOctober 17, 2012 at 10:33 PM

      LaToya you blessed me today in such a way that I don't even have words for! We have to uplift one another. As I said marriage is a daily decision to remain committed. And we don't always get it right! We have to hold each other up! Please keep the feedback coming?

      Delete
    2. AnonymousOctober 18, 2012 at 5:23 PM

      Anytime..

      Delete
  2. BobbieOctober 17, 2012 at 7:39 PM

    WOW!! after all that and you still stand tall. What a story. God id good

    ReplyDelete
  3. Better Get WellOctober 17, 2012 at 10:34 PM

    Bobbie, still standing on God's grace, mercy and strength!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Gwendolyn T. OwensDecember 23, 2012 at 7:13 PM

    What a powerful testimony! I see myself all over again. I felt that God hated me too but my life was out of order! I put God last. Yes, I went to church, sang in the choir but my total focus was on my ex-husband. We married young (19 and 21) with a one year old son and 3 years later a daughter . I took the breakup/infidelity so hard because I thought everything was great. However, deep in my heart I knew something was wrong but I was in denial. I found out about the infidelity (he married the woman)from an innocent phone call from his manager. Needless to say, I was in shock! He was never mean or disrespectful until the end of the marriage; the divorce was messy.I eventually forgave him and we are friends.
    I married a second time ( I rarely tell people about this marriage; he was 17 years older than me and I was embarrassed!)but it did not last long. He slapped me (after 3 months of marriage), I had him arrested; my daughter and I left two days later. I waited a while until I filed for divorce. It was another failed marriage.
    I love God more today than I ever have in my life. I may not have everything I want but I certainly have everything I need.I learned a lot about myself and the inner workings of God. So, I share my story with other women because it was about making a DECISION to love my unconditionally, stop settling because I felt I did not deserve better and so I took my life back. I have two degrees;have a loving God-fearing husband, lost 61 lbs., have two adult children and three grandchildren. (Our blended family is 6 children and 5 grandchildren).
    God loves us unconditionally and when we are out of the arc of safety,then we become miserable because of the decisions WE make without consulting God. I learned that no man, place or situation is my source. God is my source and "the activities of God within me is my supply."
    Blessings my sister!
    Gwendolyn T. Owens-Relationships Start With You

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Debate and difference of opinion are okay as long as it is done with LOVE and respect. We will not all see eye to eye on everything but we will be respectful and considerate of one another. We will not put each other down because our issues are different we will lift each other up in word and in deed. When you post your comment it is not immediately viewable to you. Its emailed to me first then I publish it. So don't worry because you don't see it, it's there.

Popular posts from this blog

Have you forgiven him yet?

Many of us grew up believing that Prince Charming would come and sweep us off of our feet and we would live HAPPILY EVER AFTER.... and then reality sets in! After the honey moon is over we realize that marriage is work. It's a daily, conscious decision to remain committed to someone no matter what. Women have such a hard role to play because even when our husbands fail, and we disagree with the decisions they have made we still have to be supportive and encouraging and not bash him or beat him over the head. But what happens when that failed decision or poor judgement call deeply and negatively effects your entire household. What happens if you tried to express to him that it wasn't a good idea to begin with or perhaps he went behind your back and secretly did something that caused your family great pain. And now that the consequences of his actions are upon the family you still have to smile, be supportive, protect his ego and pick up the pieces. All the while inside you'...
36 comments
Read more

FIGHTING satan WITH THE WORD!

As woman of God we are often overwhelmed with being a wife, being a mother, some of you work full time and we also have a plethora of religious duties that we are obligated to complete. Often times every ones needs are placed ahead of our own. When do we stop and deal with our own issues. Some of us are burdened with so many things; low self esteem, unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment, anger, out of control emotions, heart break, loneliness, confusion, depression, insecurities, lack of sexual desire, self hate, jealousy and many other things. Satan uses these things to stunt our growth and prevent us from realizing just how much God truly loves us and just how powerful we are when we walk in the authority that God has given us. I struggle daily with depression. Satan knows that if he can get me to slip back into depression he will keep me from being all that God has called me to be. And because satan is so wise I never lean to my own understanding but I fight him with the word of ...
7 comments
Read more

A Guide for the Single and the Divorced- My Story!

After 15 years of marriage I found myself divorced, and the last thing I wanted was to be married again. Married for the first time at age 18, I was 33 when I got divorced, and I needed time (I felt) to figure out who I was. After all that I had been through I wanted time to heal, learn to Love myself and time to focus on my children. However there are two scriptures that stand out in my mind: (Isaiah 55:8 KJV) For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. And (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV) For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. If those scriptures are any indication you'll know that God had a completely different plan for me than the one I had for myself! Although separated for quite sometime I was only officially divorced for one month before being re-introduced to the man God had for me. In our very first conversation we both established ...
13 comments
Read more